@SteveAmiri: July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them.
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@stevevsninjas: Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*
@Ooft_Headshot: Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
@CakeThrottle: Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. "It's pronounced Jarfield" he says through tears
@ericbove: From now on when skinny girls say they're fat I'm just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.