@nathandeschaine: Jurassic Park (1993): An old man with ungodly amounts of money doesn't have any common sense.
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@jwoodham: VALENTINE'S DAY PLAN: Go to the homes of all couples who Instagram pictures of fancy restaurants and rob them while they're eating dinner.
@BadassBarbie11: If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
@joe_binkley: (Cargo pants filled with tater tots) "How many do I need to get an Xbox?" "Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works." "FALSE ADVERTISING!"