@donsengstack: Jurassic Park 7: Nothing goes wrong and everyone just genuinely enjoys the company of the dinosaurs
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@NicestHippo: *tries online dating* Oh…oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow
@MrEd_EVH: Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth. -thug life
@Brianhopecomedy: If I close my eyes while my 3 year old pours her cereal I can hear the relaxing sound of thousands of Cheerios raining on the floor.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is singing the rare 19 hour version of "Let It Go", using only 3 words.