@kyle_thatisall: Jurassic Park, but all of the raptors are played by Jim Carrey.
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@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@BenjyHimmel: *wearing an apron and oven mitts* This is an old family recipe *I take a bag of M&Ms out of the freezer*
@KarenLyneButler: When mad at the hubby, I just tweet about it. I don't sleep with a waitress that looks just like him. I'm talking to you David Arquette.