@kyle_thatisall: Jurassic Park, but all of the raptors are played by Jim Carrey.
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@panmidwest: FRIEND: did you hear about the Salvation Army volunteer who is on strike? ME: doesn't ring a bell
@JessicaVarsity: Just remember, you can't please everyone. So just focus on what's important, pleasing me.
@alfageeek: Remember: If you don't post a first-day-of-school picture of each child on Facebook, the state will come and take your kids away.