@meakoopa: JURASSIC PARK is a movie abt how just bc something is great doesn't mean u should bring it back and it has three sequels
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@KentTheG: When co-workers ask if the photos on my desk are my kids, I like to say, "No, they're Dan's from accounting. But they're so cute!"
@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
@Donnie_Fairburn: Most of my tweets have been coming from a very dark place lately. That's what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill