@mzeld: Just accidentally deleted all my contacts. Best day ever.
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@TheToddWilliams: [lumberjack interview] BOSS: I'm gonna "axe" you a few questions. Haha do you get it? ME: Yeah I "saw" that coming BOSS: Ooo welcome aboard!
@iwearaonesie: squirrel mom: Remember what I told you squirrel son: "Always look both ways before I finish crossing the street"
@SteveSuckington: What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get? Mine is a skittle.
@GoldenSpirals: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and everyone knew, you were still out shopping, yes, it sucks to be you.