@mzeld: Just accidentally deleted all my contacts. Best day ever.
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@bombsydoll: "I am not a human garbage disposal" *eats leftover mac n cheese anyway* *makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*
@rolldiggity: Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you're the valet. 3. Say yes.
@EndhooS: Me: [Eating pizza for breakfast] Gym nerd: [pouring 8 flourescent powders into a gym bottle] I dunno how u can put that shit into your body
@juneohara65: I have a time phobia. *looks at watch, panics *looks at clock, panics *looks at thyme "This I can handle."