@mzeld: Just accidentally deleted all my contacts. Best day ever.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them.
@XplodingUnicorn: I don’t feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me.