@bourgeoisalien: Just accidentally messaged my husband "love you sexy beats" instead of "sexy beast" and now he thinks he’s some sort of DJ.
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@BoogTweets: Judas: How long are your arms? Jesus: Why? Judas: Like in a cross, how long Jesus: A what? Judas:Across. How long across.
@TheAlexP: * see weird traffic pattern * turns down radio * smoothly avoids gargantuan pothole * runs over sign saying avoid gargantuan pothole
@Darlainky: Instead of asking "Are you still watching?" Netflix just said "Hey, pace yourself, we're almost out of shows."