@bourgeoisalien: Just accidentally messaged my husband "love you sexy beats" instead of "sexy beast" and now he thinks he’s some sort of DJ.
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@dmc1138: I had a dream I went to Hell and Satan forced me to sing karaoke with him. That's right, the Devil made me duet.
@PajamaBenLaden: *Sees old 1987 ford mustang and gets in* Lets see if this baby still works *pulls baby out of backpack* *baby cries* Great! *Puts it back*
@TheMichaelRock: *notices person behind me won't let people merge* *slows down and lets 12 people merge in front of me*