@bourgeoisalien: Just accidentally messaged my husband "love you sexy beats" instead of "sexy beast" and now he thinks he’s some sort of DJ.
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@MissyMooMorris: One quality im not looking for in a potential partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm
@imdaintyaf: [Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary] Narrator: ...the mink, a close relative of the weasel Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god
@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.