@brakco: Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming "I'M YOU FROM THE "FUTURE!" in their faces..
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@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
@duplicitron: What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
@WheelTod: I asked my neighbor to watch my dog for a couple of nights, as my neighbor's a private detective & I think my dog might be having an affair.
@CulturedRuffian: Paula Hawkins: What should I call my book about a girl on a train? Publicist: Let's call the guy who named the movie 'Snakes On A Plane'.