@FuckabillyRex: Just apologized to my dog for being a crazy person, and I could tell by the way she didn't respond that she's been thinking it for a while.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Paxochka: I saw a zombie wearing Crocs on The Walking Dead and thought to myself "she totally deserved to die".
@Ryan_Patricks: Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
@KtotheK39: I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him. Unconscious on the street.
@JB4Realz: I've been drinking my urine for years, but NASA still refuses to let me be an astronaut. "There's more to it than that" they say. Whatever.