@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.
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@CulturedRuffian: I've never run a marathon, but once I walked real fast across a parking lot because Krispy Kreme was about to close.
@theshamingofjay: A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.
@Holy_Mowgli: TSA agent: I'm sorry we don't allow liquids over 3.4 ounces me: ok I'll finish it here [drenches myself with Axe deodorant]