@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.
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@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: [first date] DATE: I think cat people are psychopaths ME: *slowly pushes date's coffee off table*
@thatcarlygirl: "Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog
@gianni_bcn: What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have adquired over a.... *Accidentally drops cell phone on the toilet*