@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.
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@TechnicallyRon: My new erotic novel "Love in the time of autocorrect" will be out soon. Here is a sample
@ElleOhHell: *discovering flying dinosaur* PALEONTOLOGIST: We'll call it pterodactyl, for "wing fingers" ME: *crumples up note that says skynosaur*
@clindsaysway: Cat doesn't realize if he succeeds in tripping me on the way downstairs to feed him, we all die.
@daemonic3: My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.