@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.
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@Reverend_Scott: [school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? "Abolishing slavery." And... "Slaying vampires." Very good.
@Shut_up_Marissa: CW: How was your weekend? *finds nearest object* "Hello?" CW: Are you talking to a stapler? "I'm sorry, I have to take this."
@VaDawn13: I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away.
@Traceykemp8: If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend