@kumailn: Just ate a glazed donut flavored protein bar. It tasted like someone describing a donut to me while I shove sawdust into my mouth.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
@RealBobMortimer: FOR SALE: Circular metal shield with metal handle... possibly Roman??..(chanced across it on top of my dustbin) £8.00
@philYama: If losing a debate, end a sentence with "see what I did there?". As your opponent tries to figure it out, hit them with closest blunt object