@kumailn: Just ate a glazed donut flavored protein bar. It tasted like someone describing a donut to me while I shove sawdust into my mouth.
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@squirrel74wkgn: People tend to overreact when they look in their rear view mirror & see you sitting in their backseat dressed like a clown.
@WittySassBasket: *sharing a box of cereal with the cat* Me: Frosted Lucky Charms Cat: They're magically deliciOH, uh MEOW
@TheCiscoKidder: I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.