@kumailn: Just ate a glazed donut flavored protein bar. It tasted like someone describing a donut to me while I shove sawdust into my mouth.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mattytalks: Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5'9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
@HatfieldAnne: You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.
@13spencer: Kevin Hart said that he has turned down roles because the characters were gay, which is weird because I didn't think he knew the word "no."
@goldengateblond: The Wicked Witch swings a light saber at Obi-Wan just as he throws a water balloon at her. All anyone finds later are piles of clothes.