@karencreets: Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Bagyants: All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it
@teacup_giraffe: Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say "What's up, Chad?" & he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"
@caribbeankris: I've kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it's like to raise an "ungrateful little prick"
@TheTweetOfGod: Next time, instead of complaining about how bad you have it, think about other people, and how to make things bad for them.