@iGreenMonk: "Just be yourself" is great advice to maybe 12% of people.
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@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"
@hilaryfairie: I saw a billboard that said, "Be her Romeo" and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare.
@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse