@TheRealRHB: Just because I reported several women to HR for not washing their hands after using the rest room doesn't mean the camera they found is mine
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@GrabTheWEness: I was really into the idea of Salsa dancing, until I learned there are no chips. Or salsa.
@underrateDad: 83% of parenting is repeating the same set of instructions over and over using a different kid's name.
@juliussharpe: For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.
@shatterpants: When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers.