@PeaceInTruth1: Just because I'm smiling doesn't necessarily mean that I like you. I might be picturing you on fire.
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@underchilde: I was sad nobody would go jogging with me, so I threw a rock at my neighbor, and when he started chasing me I felt much better.
@generaldietz: Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?
@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. Whenever I'm at a job interview and they ask me what my greatest weakness is, I always want to say, "Stairs".