@GrandadJFreeman: "Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance." -Alcohol
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: I've been clicking "remind me later" on this work software update for 2 years when is he going to get the hint that I'm not interested?
@JohnsonDiaz21: A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
@Brentweets: "Do you need help with your math homework Billy?" "Yeah I sure do Dad!" "Well you're shit out of luck"
@DadandBuried: My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you're not allowed to use them. Because nothing says CLASS like useless towels.