@Book_Krazy: Just because your kid says, "You're my hero" does not mean you can pick them up at school wearing a cape, apparently
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@KevinFarzad: Yeah, cigarettes make you cool but they also take years off your life. Those are just two benefits.
@Chumpstring: I didn't spend 8 years designing this hotel so I could listen to a bunch of touristy complaints about the small cameras inside the toilets.
@michael_raphone: [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
@notfolu: I had to delete Facebook because I liked too many pictures of dogs yesterday and now the newsfeed algorithm thinks I care about those people