@IamEnidColeslaw: Just before a Subway employee starts making my sandwich, I'll stop them and whisper, "Like you mean it."
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: "I mean if you do the math the most weight I can really gain from the pound of pumpkin pie I ate tonight is only one pound" I thought fatly.
@imchriskelly: I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.
@drinksmcgee: Me: Why are you holding a fork? Coworker: My toast is caught in the toaster. Me: STOP! *turns my chair to get a better view Me: Carry on.