@hookmeupinit: Just bit into a Pop Tart so hot that it caused me to involuntarily perform the falsetto "ah-ha-ha-ha-" intro to Stayin' Alive
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@Smooheed: I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...
@novicefather: I just steam cleaned my carpets and wondered how difficult a homicide would be to clean up.
@13spencer: [Having a problem with my iPhone] Me: *texting myself* Test Me: *replies* I have a girlfriend
@kelkulus: If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms.