@senorwinces: Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.
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@Chocovania: [Border control] Officer: “You’re not American.” Me: “Deep.” *Officer squints* M: “Fried.” *squints harder* M: “Guns.” "Welcome back, Sir."
@PetrickSara: Them: children are innocent and go to heaven Me: so you're saying Hell is child free?
@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
@BruceForce: When I see a door with the sign 'Door Alarmed' I always tell the door "don't worry, it's only me" ~ It's all about the empathy.