@senorwinces: Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.
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@GrabTheWEness: [Weather Channel Secret Memo] To technical crews: If blizzard doesn't reach predicted intensity, shoot all exteriors through snow-globes.
@YourFavMexi_Can: "I hope she got fat, I hope she got fat" - me looking up an ex girlfriend on Facebook.
@arandomhim: I bet the guy who invented the percent symbol, %, got his inspiration from watching his wife put on a seatbelt
@ThisOneSayz: Me: they're coming! 911: can you hide? Me: they'll find me!! 911: stay calm Me: the door is opening...help! "Mooom! We want a snack!!"