@Anyalachae7: Just bought a medical alert bracelet that says "probably just shitfaced."
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@dshack8: Wonder why my son doesn't want me to walk him to the bus stop? Maybe I'd better unhook one of the straps on my overalls like the cool kids.
@meganamram: We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet
@Imnotsurehow: A sure fire way to lose a afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
@LADaddy: [At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay.