@David_Ingram: Just bought a sandwich in San Francisco. Handed over a $20 bill. Cashier to his coworker: "How do I accept cash?"
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@Reverend_Scott: Coworker: will I be seeing you at the office ugly sweater party? Me: no, I'm not ugly
@kwirkyKerri: Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.
@Colleen1913: Johnny Depps wife filed for divorce, thanks a lot Australia! This is why nice people don't visit you!