@timdonakowski: Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
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@AverageCorners: Me: Okay, bed time. Brain: I'm with you, man. I'm tired. Nose: GUYS I LEARNED HOW TO WHISTLE "PATIENCE" BY GUNS N' ROSES!
@iLikeCatShirts: It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich.
@Brampersandon_: [Me]: "I have hat-like reflexes" [You]: Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? [Me]: *sitting on top of your head* "Nope"