@timdonakowski: Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
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@Parentpains: According to the police report, waking up in your lover's arms is only romantic when they know how you got in their house.
@EndhooS: [Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. "How is Rock School going dear?" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.
@bridger_w: After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, "I'll keep that in mind" and walk off