@timdonakowski: Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
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@: [inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: they give us oxygen. Also cats like to climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: they cannot
@raniao2011: Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."