@timdonakowski: Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
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@EndhooS: *Wife walks in, the house is trashed* "OMG..we've been burgled" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?
@hdaniels_00: When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep til noon because I am a problem solver
@LaBaPete: Not everyone understands my laundry method. It's simple. If it's clean, it's on the floor. If it's dirty, it's on the floor over there.
@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to go to the Zoo without me, he might see all his ex's there...