@LoveNLunchmeat: Astrology seems kinda silly to me, but what do I know? I'm a Pisces, and we're just so damn indecisive.

@Social_Mime: In about five years when a kindergarten teacher is taking attendance and calls out Thanos at least eight boys will say "here."

@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.

@WheelTod: I once accidentally broke up with a girl on a broken-down train, when I said "I don't think this is going anywhere."

@bourgeoisalien: Not to brag, but I have one of those metabolisms that I can eat anything I want and still get fat