@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Astrology seems kinda silly to me, but what do I know? I'm a Pisces, and we're just so damn indecisive.
@Social_Mime: In about five years when a kindergarten teacher is taking attendance and calls out Thanos at least eight boys will say "here."
@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
@WheelTod: I once accidentally broke up with a girl on a broken-down train, when I said "I don't think this is going anywhere."