@treydayway: Just calculated my BMI and found out I should be 47ft tall.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Therapist sighs, sets down glasses, rubs the bridge of his nose. "For the last time, Christy, eating ham is not a life plan."
@One2thTEXAN: *walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy.
@KeetPotato: me: "i don't appreciate being laughed at" seaworld employee: "sir that's just the noise dolphins make"