@treydayway: Just calculated my BMI and found out I should be 47ft tall.
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@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
@iresurfaced: I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes.
@BeardSpice: "Two birds with one stone, how about all the birds" God thinks, hurling an asteroid toward Earth
@weirdralph: The next time someone says "expect the unexpected," I'm going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that.