@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
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@d_duhwit: Scientist: Your bear/owl hybrid has escaped. Me: Dont worry. I put a gps collar on it Scientest: So u can.. Me: Track my bowl movements, yes
@iGreenBabe: When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.