@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
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@paperphotoyo: [1st Date] Brain: Be cool, gurl Him: Hi, I'm Ja- Me: Toilet paper should be called crapkins Him: Netflix: So... Just you and me again, eh?
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not a helicopter mom. I'm more of a "come & get me only if there's blood" kind of mom.
@mstluvstrinkets: Anything I accomplish before I finish my first cup of coffee has been fueled by rage.
@samuelhlowe: - Do you want to have sex? - Don't you think you're going a little too fast? - Do......you......want......to......have......sex?