@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
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@UnFitz: Dyslexic Superbowl watchers were probably disappointed when they saw football instead of a superb owl.
@sarcasticmommy4: If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said "Mom, you're not funny", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself.
@CornOnTheGoblin: scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit