@DistractedMomma: Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am.
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@JaimeSamantha: It's wildly known that all the great artists of the renaissance era loved eating pizza in sewers.
@MarfSalvador: [Forest] GF: Oh god it's a bear! Me: *Stuffs socks down front of pants* GF: What are you doing? Me: Making myself look big Bear: Well hi