@thatdutchperson: Just called the bank for my account info and a voice whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles can last you two days.'
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@UncleDuke1969: 2 Smurfs stand over a body... "What happened?" "Choked on a sandwich." "Nobody helped?" "No." "Didn't they see him turning bl-" "..." "Oh."
@cambuslad: Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove.
@Rollinintheseat: Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell "She's right there!" every time she comes on the screen until you're escorted out of the theater.
@Scarfolk: Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.