@thatdutchperson: Just called the bank for my account info and a voice whispered 'If you break the pack in half, Ramen noodles can last you two days.'
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@CulturedRuffian: I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM, BECAUSE GRANDPA FORGOT TO WEAR HIS HEARING AIDS AGAIN!
@JohnHilsen: The Passion of the Christ 2: Jesus in Space He conquered the sins of the world, but can he conquer the sins of the galaxy?
@duumb: [high school reunion] me: u remember me skipping math class to see u ex: aww yeah me: [gets out pile of papers] now do my taxes