@sucittaM: Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
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@Jesssicle: *brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* "Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."
@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long have you been in pain? Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997