@sucittaM: Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
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@ShittyComedian: The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight.
@secondofhername: The two FIFA World Cup 2014 songs are Ole Ola & La La La. Our linguistic evolution as humans never ceases to amaze me.
@iLikeCatShirts: You'd be surprised at all the discounts you get when you come in swinging a sword!
@daemonic3: Mom, can I have another piece of pecan pie? "You mean MAY, not CAN" Ok, mom can I have another piece of pemay pie?