@ScobeyWanKenobi: Just called the number of a guy I met last night and a pizza place answered. I didn't even know you could live in pizza places. I'm in love!
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@DomBorrett: Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home' Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'
@Sassafrantz: If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.
@danimgrace: Take your husband’s last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You’re the husband now.