@ScobeyWanKenobi: Just called the number of a guy I met last night and a pizza place answered. I didn't even know you could live in pizza places. I'm in love!
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@robdelaney: Enrages me when I see guys using cute dogs to pick up chicks. It's like, why did I have kids.
@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
@notacroc: [at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster