@SomthinBoutSara: Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant.
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@pdxjohnny99: This tweet has been brought to you by... ...Stay Free Maxi-pads... ...When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining.
@VodkaThursday: When her friend visits, my 2yr old just wants to hug her a lot... & keep her away from the toys. I feel that way about my friends & my vodka
@Manda_like_wine: My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said "not now" so wish us luck we're officially married.
@natechartier1: *creating garbage cans* God: "That's where trash goes" *creating my twitter* God: "That's where trash comes from"