@SomthinBoutSara: Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant.
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@dreamthievin: Left a plaster cast of my mouth at the bakery so they know exactly how big to bake the cupcakes
@therealeatwood: ME: [spraying hose to make a rainbow over a bear trap] WIFE: stop trying to trap a leprechaun ME: I really want a pot of gold or some cereal
@mrkoodge: *lowers car suspension to look more gangster* *takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*