@eff_yeah_steph: Just cleaned out my purse if anyone needs 17 pens or a tooth.
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@nayele18maybe: I'm worried that if there is ever a fire at my house, my kids will ignore the smoke detectors and sit down at the dinner table.
@BarryVonAwesome: Do you know who REALLY gets irony? Skydiving schools. Cuz you gotta drop out to graduate! *releases mic to float down on tiny parachute*
@gaynorlsimpson: Therapist: what's your problem today? Me: I have this constant eye roll. Therapist: stop reading your own tweets.