@mikescollins: Just convinced my Mom she won't get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn't see Teen Wolf first. Please play along.
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@topaz_kell: To the person who honked to get me out of my parking space faster, thank you for inspiring me to delete 3000 emails right here, right now.
@QwertyJones3: [Blue whale documentary] This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day. Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I'm kind of a foodie.
@iAmDelFreaky: I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot.