@Eightinchgoat: Just convinced the teen up the street that he needs to change the winter air out of his tires and put in summer air. Don't do dope, kids.
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@DancesWithTamis: In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz
@bingowings14: See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft.
@therealeatwood: SATAN: Turn these stones into bread JESUS: No SATAN: Turn them into raspberry swirl cheesecake JESUS: [clenching eyes shut] No