@BuckyIsotope: Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.
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@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
@RhinoUR: Buys valentine. Writes "I love you" inside. Mails card to self. Receives card in mail. Reads card. "Eww, why do I attract losers?"
@LennoxTruman: "Sure it's a dental PRACTICE, but dont fret, I know what I'm doing. Open wide." *opens wide* "Ok which ones are the teeths? Where are teeth"
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Me: *eating a Mars bar* Martian: Good grief where will I obtain alcohol now
@LostFelicia: If you've never gotten stuck in a dress you tried on over your clothes in the middle of a clothing store, then you're not me.
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