@BuckyIsotope: Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.
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@WilliamRodgers: BREAKING NEWS Justin Bieber said... And I quote, "Only God can Judge me!" THIS JUST IN ...Apparently I'm God.
@jordan_stratton: Well, when we ordered nachos, you ate all the ones in the middle with the most cheese, but no... I have no idea who set your car on fire.
@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.
@bazecraze: You gotta kiss a lotta frogs to get a lotta desperate late-night texts from frogs.
@thatcarlygirl: "A car I've never seen before just parked outside. We're gonna die CAN YOU HEAR ME Jesus Christ you're not listening to me I said..." - Dogs
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