@BuckyIsotope: Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.
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@CruisinSoozan: The dog almost ate the bird tonight. It was like a Dateline episode. "He kept to himself, but on the evening of June 6, he snapped."
@WilliamAder: Discovered that my wife can talk to me THROUGH THE SPEAKERS OF MY NEW CAR so I'm returning it.
@JoParkerBear: UK: Hey u ok USA: What UK: I saw what happened USA: Im fine, nothing happened Canada: Hey I know what I said before but you can't stay over
@MrsTomServo: "Men are pigs" - misandrist &/or world's worst biologist
@david_tull: *purposely chooses network with most dropped calls*
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