@NurseSeymour: Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook.
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@suzieQ0007: At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.
@sploosk: ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*
@Kendragarden: It's important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I'm having popcorn & wine for dinner.