@my_minivan_life: Just discovered my 7yo wearing his underwear backwards again. Playing classical music while pregnant is bullshit.
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@KKAlThani: Next time you're not feeling hungry, tell yourself you're going on a diet in an hour & you'll unleash the starving African child inside you.
@AndyAsAdjective: KID IN THE BACKSEAT: how much longer do we have to drive? BON JOVI DAD: oh…we're halfway there…
@fabulouscop: [at doctor] can u cough for me please? *coughs* again please *coughs* i see i see. i'm afraid you have a cough
@JaneBadall: Online relationships - For when you want to be disappointed by imaginary people, too.