@SomthinBoutSara: Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
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@awkwardphilippe: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie
@envydatropic: I'm at the age where "pop, lock, and drop" is about my knee giving out instead of dance moves
@T_N_Crumpets: *Bruno Mars on the radio* Wife: Would you catch a grenade for me? Brain: Just say, YES! Me: Has the pin been pulled? Brain: Idiot!