@SomthinBoutSara: Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
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@simoncholland: Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope.
@1Bad_Scientist: Boss: I'm sorry but we have to let you go. Me: Really? That's not what these pics of you and your secretary said. They said I need a raise.