@robdelaney: Just dyed a bald eagle red, white & blue & forced my family to eat 3 apple pies each. We're all crying. It's awesome.
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@joshgondelman: "At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this," is comedian-speak for, "Sorry about your life, dude."
@jus4golf: I once went out with a girl that said she was flexible like a Slinky. Two flights of stairs later, I decided she wasn't.
@robdelaney: The name Corey is short for Coriander. Coreys will try & tell you it's not but they are lying.