@Sassafrantz: Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
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@PJTLynch: Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: Do you believe in ghosts? WIFE: Yes. ME: A ghost just spent $600 on a new home surround sound system.
@KeetPotato: [bono dressed as magician] "think of a song any song" purple haze "right n- no, a U2 song" oh ok um.. elevation? "ok now.. check your phone"