@Sassafrantz: Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
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@mewritesgood: I set my kid's dollhouse on fire then asked: DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?! DOES BARBIE HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN?! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! Life lessons
@Alex_N_Chains: I had my appendix taken out as a child. They said it was useless, but based on my life since then, I'm guessing it controls motivation.
@onion_an: [last day at job] "You've made my life a misery, I hate you all" [remembers my car is in the garage and I need a lift] "Not you tho Phil"