@Sassafrantz: Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
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@EliseRose5: Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline.
@michamontaz: Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
@GinGander: Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".
@EndhooS: "DADDY THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY ROOM" [sound of me nailing door shut] Wife "WTF are you doing?" Its too late for her now she's as good as dead