@yonewt: Just figured out what "CW" means so now I have to re-read all of Twitter.
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@KKBowls: Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane
@ch000ch: You: (about to show me a video on your phone) Me: oh haha ya i've seen this already but def don't ask me any questions about it
@Book_Krazy: FITNESS COACH: Have u been reaching your target heart rate each morning *Flashback to me replacing the snooze button with an airhorn* "yes"