@livlivme_do: Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”
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@lazerdoov: Gonna get "na na na na na na na na" tattooed on my forearm. I'll tell girls it's Hey Jude and I'll tell dudes it's the Batman theme.
@TweetPotato314: Me: Are you gonna change your name after we get married? Her: Yes Me: What do you think of "Jessica Rabbit"?
@_b1p0larbear: Thinking about kids? My son poured syrup in every floor vent. 11 years later it still smells like waffles every time the heat comes on.