@Cheeseboy22: Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT'd, so I threw it back in.
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@psybermonkey: [Kids party] Wife: did you hire a magician like I asked? Me: yep [Backyard] Mortician: next we'll cut open the chest cavity like so...
@gonzohostility: Said she was gonna send a pic of her "backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page
@PeachesMcPeach: Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!