@Cheeseboy22: Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT'd, so I threw it back in.
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@simoncholland: 1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.
@enclaire: Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her I'm her from the future.
@thepaulahunt: My 20 y.o. son: Mom, if you were in Star Wars, do you think you'd be on the light side or the dark side? Me: I'd probably be the mom whose son abandoned her to stay a slave on a desert planet after he won a flying car race.
@bartlebytaco: if you’re a 28 year old who has snorted ketamine in an art gallery bathroom, it seems that you are not, in fact, “baby.” a baby wouldn’t do that