@Rich_McCarthy: Just found all my fan letters to Wolverine my wife "promised" she mailed stuffed behind the couch. I'm livid.
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@outsmartedmommy: The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.
@garthinkingcap: [after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* "Had a great time the other night :)"
@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.
@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex