@JediGigi: Just found out a spider's been living in my shower. Just hanging out. Quietly. Watching me. So, long story short, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND!
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@JaySuch: My son wanted to go to Disney, but I told him little boys who ruin marriages don't go to Disney.
@philco816: Note on the bed side table read "this isn't working," but I put a quarter in and the bed still vibrates. I don't know what her problem was.
@botandy: 9 out of 10 archaeologists agree, the 10th one should not have uttered incantations to unlock the cursed bonds holding that Sumerian daemon