@JediGigi: Just found out a spider's been living in my shower. Just hanging out. Quietly. Watching me. So, long story short, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND!
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@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.
@thagr8short1: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
@AngelaEhh: It'd be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
@SteussieErica: "Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place," I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor.