@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
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@momthoughts13: How amazing is it when all your kids do what you've asked the first time? No, I'm asking. How amazing is it? I'd like to know.
@EliTerry: I brought a gun that shoots knives to a gun fight. Everybody was like whoa. We didn't even fight. Went to get nachos. Cool group of dudes.
@HomeProbably: I always thought that saying, 'the more, the merrier' was referring to alcohol, not people. Now it doesn't make any sense at all.