@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
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@bingowings14: See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft.
@LinajkReturns: You have beautiful eyes. Too bad they're attached to the head of a stark raving lunatic.
@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.