@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
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@wolfpupy: a bunch of us teens are going out to the forest to burn a piece of paper that says 'responsibilities' on it. for symbolism
@JayCee302: Me: "I really like this car" Salesman: "Yeah and it also has a latch in case someone gets stuck in the trunk!" Me: "Eh, what else ya got?"
@dance_blessed: Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white.
@DevilryFun: I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.