@OhNoSheTwitnt: Just found out there's a bug called the tarantula hawk wasp and I'm like holy shit maybe just pick one terrifying predator to name it after.
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@SteveSuckington: Interviewer: what would you say is your biggest weakness? Me: [wearing my wife's wedding dress] laundry
@bobvulfov: GOLFER: what r u thinkin ME (caddying): honestly sometimes i wake up & am mad that im not dead GOLFER: jesus. i meant what club should i use
@AristotlesNZ: Before their conflict with the Decepticons, the Autobots won a much less interesting but emotionally charged war against the Emoticons.
@murrman5: we lost our power "why?" a transformer blew up by our house *eyes widen* "that's awes-" it's not as cool as it sounds