@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."

@AbbyHasIssues: How to put on deodorant: 1. Apply deodorant. 2. Wait two seconds. 3. Try and remember if you put on deodorant. 4. Reapply deodorant.

@dreadnaught69: I'm pretty sure the rule at Starbucks is the slowest employee makes the drinks

@Dawn_M_: Sharks don't like the taste of human flesh, which must mean they are drama queens who only eat people for attention.

@seriouslyemily: This girls skirt is so short I can see how many times her dad missed a dance recital from here.