@respected_loner: just found out today that monkeys don't lay eggs. so what have i been buying on craigslist. what have i been eating
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@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."
@AbbyHasIssues: How to put on deodorant: 1. Apply deodorant. 2. Wait two seconds. 3. Try and remember if you put on deodorant. 4. Reapply deodorant.
@Dawn_M_: Sharks don't like the taste of human flesh, which must mean they are drama queens who only eat people for attention.