@cheeky__gal: Just gave a homeless man $5 because I know what it's like to be sober.
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@jakob_huber: Hi, I'd like to order a baby "Excuse me?" It says here you deliver babies? "Sir this is a hospital" [vampire quickly hangs up phone]
@Bratterina: *puts on cloak of invisibility, whooshes past ex, flipping him off "Jenna, that's a hoodie, I can see you" *makes a ghost voice: NoOoOoOo
@Tmoney68: Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo.
@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.