@grimpossible: Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
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@RidiculousSheri: I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I'm on a budget.
@trojansauce: LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off CLARK KENT: no
@TheWoodenslurpy: [commercial for gymnastics] Want to delay menarche and stunt your lumbar growth, but also risk getting crotch punched by a four-inch beam?
@JoParkerBear: God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad.