@Donna_McCoy: Just go ahead and put "She always had to pee" on my tombstone, because that's how everyone's going to remember me.
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@jwoodham: I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Ian is coming over." Me: "Ian from work or Ian who is good at disguises?" Wife: "Ian- *pulls off mask* -who is good at disguises!"
@WilliamAder: What are people in motels doing that they need such a steady and reliable source of ice?